While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
