If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
