hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
