so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
