We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
