She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
