ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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