Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
