Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
