I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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