I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
