i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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