so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
