I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
