Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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