I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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