woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
