I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
