i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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