i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there is glitter all over my balls
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
