last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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