You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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