i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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