i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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