I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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