It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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