When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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