We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
