She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
