i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
