haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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