I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
