went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
