singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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