i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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