Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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