We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
dude. I can hear the air.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
