My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
