i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
