Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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