Will you blow on my dice?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
