she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
