OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
