his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
