also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
