erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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