In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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