2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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