so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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