Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
