If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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