Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
