He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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