This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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