My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
