how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
