Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
