So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
