Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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