i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
