i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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