I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
