Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
