it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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