They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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