I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
