If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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