she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My cat gives me a boner
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
