Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
