I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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