Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
