Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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