i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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