Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
