I hate your face
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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